Two weeks in Bangladesh
I just got back from two weeks in Bangladesh. It was one of my younger cousin's wedding. My parents were heavily involved with it. My mom was acting like and doing things as if it was MY wedding. Of course she knew that she would not have that pleasure and while I had no desire to pretend to be straight for a wedding, I did wish that I could have given my parents and the rest of the dynasty (on both sides of the family) that pleasure. It was very surreal. I was being older brother to the groom (my cousin) and really enjoyed myself but I felt a little empty when looking at the faces of my parents and sisters.
Most of my cousins know about me and I am quite open to them. But some of their parents (and grand parents) were complete pests. How many times do I have to answer questions about why I am not getting married? None of them were satisfied by my answer (that I am not ready yet) so they kept asking me again and again and again as if that would render a more meaningful reply. I truly felt after a long time the obvious - that getting married was an absolute certainty. At least that is how most people treat it. And that it was abnormal that someone of my age has not gotten married yet.
Which probably explains why two boys (men rather) I met in Tangail (one whom I have known to be gay from before and another whom I found out was gay this time) both have gotten married to women and the latter now has a kid. I tried to understand them a little better. Both of them were worried about being alone. They wanted company and kids. And the only way they knew to achieve this and peace in the family was to shun gay life (not sure how they actually do it or if at all) and procreate with their wives. The wives come in handy for all other aspects of course (like house cleaning, cooking, looking after parents etc.). What was more interesting was that they assumed I would be able to do the same if I put my mind to it and they insisted that I should because somehow that was preferrable.
While I wish the two of them happiness in their married lives, I cannot help but feel the gravity of the sorry state of affairs for gay boys in Bangladesh (at least those who do not belong to the uber upper class in Dhaka often with experiences in foreign countries). Bangladeshis are coming out, but not in Bangladesh (except for a few good instances in Dhaka). I did my part to explain to those two boys that in my humble opinion, it is not preferrable that I try to somehow change myself (through meditation and prayer as they suggested) and settle down with a woman (and perhaps kids). I have long accepted that I am gay and I wish to live my life accordingly. Not even God can change that now.
Most of my cousins know about me and I am quite open to them. But some of their parents (and grand parents) were complete pests. How many times do I have to answer questions about why I am not getting married? None of them were satisfied by my answer (that I am not ready yet) so they kept asking me again and again and again as if that would render a more meaningful reply. I truly felt after a long time the obvious - that getting married was an absolute certainty. At least that is how most people treat it. And that it was abnormal that someone of my age has not gotten married yet.
Which probably explains why two boys (men rather) I met in Tangail (one whom I have known to be gay from before and another whom I found out was gay this time) both have gotten married to women and the latter now has a kid. I tried to understand them a little better. Both of them were worried about being alone. They wanted company and kids. And the only way they knew to achieve this and peace in the family was to shun gay life (not sure how they actually do it or if at all) and procreate with their wives. The wives come in handy for all other aspects of course (like house cleaning, cooking, looking after parents etc.). What was more interesting was that they assumed I would be able to do the same if I put my mind to it and they insisted that I should because somehow that was preferrable.
While I wish the two of them happiness in their married lives, I cannot help but feel the gravity of the sorry state of affairs for gay boys in Bangladesh (at least those who do not belong to the uber upper class in Dhaka often with experiences in foreign countries). Bangladeshis are coming out, but not in Bangladesh (except for a few good instances in Dhaka). I did my part to explain to those two boys that in my humble opinion, it is not preferrable that I try to somehow change myself (through meditation and prayer as they suggested) and settle down with a woman (and perhaps kids). I have long accepted that I am gay and I wish to live my life accordingly. Not even God can change that now.
posted by Riaz @ 10:17 am
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